Mark Steinberg remembers the first dog that came into his life:

Notecard from Dogstuff

The dachshund arrived when I was 6. A cousin’s dog had given birth to a litter of five, and our relative was determined that every one of them would stay in the family. She appeared unannounced at our kitchen door one morning carrying a female puppy, a doggy bed, biscuits, a chewable rat and smug optimism. She stepped into the kitchen, put the puppy on the floor to roam free, folded her arms and waited.

The dog recognized immediately that there was only one Decider in our house, my mother, and she targeted her routine at that one-person audience. First, she did the puppy “boing boing” thing, jumping up and down because she’d found the most lovable, sensitive human being on Earth. Then she threw herself at my mother’s feet and licked her toes. As a finale, she walked over to the doggie bed, flopped down and went to sleep.

By sunset, the puppy had been named Lisa and listed first on my mother’s “preferred organ recipient” card.

The rest of Steinberg’s reflections on living with dogs are here.

USA Today columnist Sharon Peters has a confession.

Her pets – especially her dogs – have multiple nicknames.

Jasper is also called Dasspoo, Daspy, Dass, Buddy, and ButterButt.

Besides Rufie-Doof, Rufus is also called Rufe, Boof, Diggity-Boof, and DB.

Peters says both dogs recognize and respond to all their nicknames.

As long as we’re confessing … I’m in no position to criticize.

A Joe by any other name ...

My rescue dog, Joe, was named that by his foster family. I didn’t change it because I figured he’d had enough change in his life already.

But do I call him Joe?

Hardly ever.

Joe-Joe, Puppy, Puppy-Joe, Joey, Woofy-Joe … it’s a wonder he puts up with me.

How about you, readers? Any nicknames you want to own up to?

A website called UpsideDownDogs.com features pictures of dogs taken…wait for it…upside down.

Have you ever tried to imagine humans without dogs? I really can’t – they are so woven into the fabric of our lives, enriching them in so many ways. Here are a few photos that celebrate the many great facets of dogginess.

Razor, who detects cell phones:

Razor, phone home

This little pooch (name not known) gives “rescue dog” a whole new meaning:

Formula One driver Sebastian Vettel gets some help

And look, it’s Savannah’s annual Wiener Dawg Race! On the right is Molly, with last year’s winner Longfellow pursuing her.

Charge!

Just more proof that every day is Dog Appreciation Day.

Daily Routine

The day is divided into two important sections. Mealtime. And everything else.

I. Mealtime

1. Just because there does not seem to be anything visible around to eat certainly does not mean there is nothing around to eat. The act of staring at the underside of a table or chair on which someone else is eating sets in motion a chain of events that eventually results in food.

2. It goes without saying that you should carefully check the lower third of any space for edibles. Mouth-sized things which cannot be identified by sight or smell are considered gum.

3. When you actually receive a meal, submerge your head into it as you would a shower. Never, never look up again until a minimum of at least fifteen minutes after the obvious food is gone. This is important. Just because your dish is empty does not mean that it is time to stop eating.

4. Remember that all food is potentially yours up until the time that it is actually swallowed by another. The lengthy path a piece of food will take from a plate to a mouth via a hand is as good a time as any to stake your claim to it.

5. When it comes to selecting an appropriate beverage, location and packaging mean nothing. There are absolutely no exceptions to this rule.

6. If you really see something you want, and all your other attempts at getting it have failed, it is only right to grovel shamelessly. As a second tactic, stare intently at the object of your desire, allowing long gelatinous drools to leak like icicles from your lower lip.

II. Everything Else

1. There are really only two important facial expressions to bother with: complete and overwhelming joy and nothing at all.

2. Any time that is not meal time is potentially nap time. The best time to take a nap is when you hear your name being called repeatedly. The best location for a nap is dead center of any street or driveway. The most relaxing position is on your side, all four limbs parallel.

Sleeping Golden Puzzle

3. The most practical way to get dry is to shake violently near a fully clothed person. A second effective method is to stand on a light-colored piece of furniture.

4. Personal Safety
a. At the first hint of any irregular noise, run from room to room yelling loudly. If someone actually comes into the house, rush over to them whether you know them or not. Then kiss them so violently that they lose their balance or have to force you away physically.

b. The greatest unacknowledged threat to life as we have come to know it is squirrels. No matter what you must do, make sure there are none in your yard.

5. Recreation and Leisure

a. Ball: There are two equally amusing sets of rules you will want to know. a. The Common Form, in which you receive a thrown ball and return it. b. The Preferred Form, in which you receive a thrown ball and eat it.

b. Car: As you know, any open car door is an invitation to get in. Once inside, your only goal is to try to get out.

Two Bostons Card from Dogstuff

6. Health
In the event of a trip to the doctor, always be on your guard. If you are vaccinated, urinate on the physician.

Since I have taken to sleeping under the bed, I have come to know tranquility I never imagined possible. You never really know when it might be cookie time. And that’s what the dogs have taught me.

– Merrill Markoe, “Late Night with David Letterman: The Book”

(via Harold Reynolds’ pet humor site)